I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
