3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My room smells like vodka and shame
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
