I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
