i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize