no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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