saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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