You can't motorboat a personality
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
