Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A+ Viking dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
