i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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