Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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