He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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