I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Still dying that you shit outside
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
