she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
