I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
