we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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