I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
