Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
