If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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