I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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