I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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