I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
