people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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