My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
