Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
