i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
