oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
