Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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