what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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