You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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