i already hear my dad disowning me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Randomize
