dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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