I wish my penis had an off switch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
