im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to make out with him forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
