Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
