He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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