i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
