Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
