Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
