we're blogging at a bar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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