I don't usually arrange sex via text message
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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