I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
