i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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