I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
