Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
