I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
