My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Are we still banned from the library?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
