feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
