i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
