u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
