Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
